Hello, readers of mine. How are you all doing this summer? The summer shows a lot of promise with spending lots of time with my children and going to places that we weren't able to over the school year. Also, it's a time for recharging our batteries so we're ready for the fall. Also, summer is a time where you could visit extended family and see them for weddings, graduations, and other events. However, one person will not experience that this summer: this person was my most favorite cousin in the world.
The last time I saw her, it was a very cold, but fun day. We had our annual reunion and on the odd number years, my family, my parents, and my brother and his family made the trek down to Jackson, MN. My aunt who lives in Maple Grove and her family also made the journey down to Jackson as well.
Whenever I saw my favorite cousin, she greeted me with a bear hug, her contagious smile and genuine excitement of seeing me. It didn't matter if I saw her the day before, she always was happy to see me. She was like that with everybody. She was charismatic, outgoing, bubbly, she had a very infectious smile, and there were no faults that I could find with her. Everybody loved her and in turn, she loved them back. She was never in a bad mood or had an off day like most of us.
When I saw her last, that time was no different than the other times I saw her.
Little did I know that I would never see that happy, loving face again.
It was mid January, maybe about three weeks after Christmas. It was a Sunday morning, January 12th to be exact. My kids, my husband and I were going to go to my parents house in Apple Valley like we always did each Sunday. I was the first to wake up in my house which is normal on the weekends. I had some quiet time before my kids woke up for the day and I left my phone on the headboard where my bed was. At around 9 that morning, my phone went off but I didn't hear it. Ted came downstairs with my phone to tell me my parents called. Normally if they called me on a Sunday morning, it was to tell me they wouldn't be home so I assumed this was no different. My mom left me a voice mail and told me to call her as soon as possible.
When I called my dad that morning, I thought he was going to tell me my uncle on my dad's side passed away since he's had so many health issues over the last few months. He said he had some bad news to tell me so I thought that's what it was going to be. Nope, I was wrong. He said my favorite cousin died just about a half hour after my mom left me the voice mail. He had no idea how she passed away as well as everybody else. My dad passed the phone to my mom and I asked her if we could still come over and she said yes.
A couple hours later, we arrived at my parents. There we got more details as to how she passed. She woke up coughing and had trouble getting her air that morning and told her husband to take her to the hospital which was only a mile and a half away. They woke up their daughter and they were en route. The building was in sight and she let out one last cough and then she passed. Her husband wasn't sure as to how she passed so he demanded an autopsy. In the meantime, her funeral was getting planned.
Between getting the news of her passing and awaiting the results of the autopsy, I was grieving her loss. It got worse every day between then and when we went down to Jackson. The weather was supposed to be really bad the day of her funeral but I was determined to make it there.
The results of her autopsy came in about her death. She died from a pulmonary embolism. Her body had quite a lot of blood clots in it and some of them made its way into her lungs. I was shocked as to how she passed, but it was justified. My cousin was morbidly obese and severely out of shape. She ate a lot of junk and she ate often. I don't think I've ever seen her without a plate of food in front of her or talking about food or talking about eating. Her pantries were stocked with junk food and she had a tote next to where she sat when she watched TV had candy in it. Food was a big part of her life and I think that ultimately killed her.
The day of her wake, I picked up my daughter from school and brought her and my son to my inlaws since they offered to watch the kids for the night. Ted got home from work and we were on our way. My parents and my brother made it there and we went to the funeral home. I couldn't believe the turnout she had. Since she lived in a small town, it was estimated that a quarter of the people came to her wake. There was a line out the door to view her body. We must have stood in line for an hour before we finally made it to give her husband and children our condolences. They were taking it very hard. I saw varying emotions with them, particularly her husband and daughter. They tried to laugh through their agonizing pain. Sometimes they looked really angry and then despondent. Her siblings had more of the same and then I thought about my aunt and uncle. They were staying strong, but it was tough on them.
I believe that a parent should never have to bury a child. It doesn't matter if the child is a baby or a grown up or anything like that. A set of parents could be in their 80s or 90s and have children. It just isn't right for that to happen. I can't accept that she's gone.
Anyway, I gave her immediate family hugs and condolences and then the reality of her death hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw her lying in her coffin. I knew it was her because of the clothes she wore, her glasses and her short, reddish brown hair but I still couldn't believe she left us. I became unglued when I saw her. I was praying to God telling myself "Please God, let this be a joke. Make her wake up and tell everybody she's fine and just wanted to have a party." That didn't happen, sadly. I'm not normally emotional, but this time I was. I've seen people come and go in my life and when they die, I understand. I feel sad about it but not to the degree I was when I saw my favorite cousin. I was a mess but I still talked to everyone at the funeral home. I cracked jokes with them, I talked about what I was doing with myself and I tried to stay strong.
The next day, we planned to go to the funeral, but I was trying to find someone to work for me because the weather was going to be bad. Nobody wanted to so as I lied in bed thinking about the funeral, I made a choice. I chose to not go because nobody wanted to cover me for work, I was missing my kids, and the weather was going to be horrible. I felt terrible that I wasn't going to attend. I called my mom and dad in their room and told them I wasn't going. They understood. My aunt and uncle from Maple Grove understood too so we made the journey home without incident and I called my aunt and uncle from Jackson to apologize for not being there. They understood as well.
In the months after her death, I am still trying to process it all. I have to admit it hasn't been easy on me. To show me a test of how hard life is without her, two months ago was a wedding. We made the trek down to Jackson, but this time, I had no excitement to go there. The town looked and felt empty and lacked the brightness that it had before.
Since I didn't make it to the funeral, I felt like I owed her husband a daughter a visit. I wanted to see where she was buried to get some closure, too so before we checked into the hotel, I paid her husband a visit. He was glad to see me. We had a conversation with his daughter and him and they seemed to be doing remarkably well. They told me they were taking it day by day. Some days were tougher than others, but that was to be expected. Her husband was upset because he ordered a headstone for her and it didn't come when it was supposed to.
A couple hours later, the wedding started. My cousin was a beautiful bride and she looked really happy, but I wasn't. I felt really depressed and I wanted to go home. I didn't really talk to anybody, I stayed with my daughter the whole time, I tried to hide from everyone. Also, I lost my wallet so I had that on my mind. I didn't have fun there at all and while I was there. Later after we got to the hotel to get some rest, I found my wallet. It slid under the passenger's side seat. Since I visited my cousin's husband and daughter, I thought I left it there so I asked her husband to look for it when he got home. When we got back, I called to let him know I found it, but in the answering machine greeting was her voice. Oh God, do I ever miss it.
For the last two years, her family had been begging her to see a doctor. She had trouble getting her air and slept on a reclining chair. She kept telling everybody that she was fine and to not worry about her. Her parents and siblings told her she needed to change her eating habits but she didn't listen.
In the wake of her death, I am worried about her daughter and her husband. From what I have seen, they have not changed their unhealthy lifestyles. They still go out to eat often and they don't watch what they eat. Everyone else is worried for them, too. The only healthy person in the family is her son. He keeps active and busy and he watches what he eats.
The moral of this story is to take care of yourself. You're only given one body so take care of it. If you like junk food, only eat it in moderation. If your family begs you to see a doctor and begs you to take care of yourself, please listen to them. Your life may depend on it.
Still, I miss her. I will miss her until the day I die. A brilliant light in my family has been snuffed out and there will be no way to rekindle it.
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