Losing a Friend Over Something Stupid.

Hey folks. It's been a while since I posted a blog. It's been almost 2 years. I knew I had a blogspot account and I never really used it, but I think I'll be using it a lot.

Anyway, something happened to me last weekend. I lost a friend over something stupid. Some of you know about it and some of you don't.

My history with this friend has been checkered. I met her late in 8th grade and she was in 7th. We hit it off right away and we got along pretty well. She was an outsider much like I was so I identified strongly with her. After 8th grade ended, I went to high school, but she had one year left of middle school so we didn't see each other much. We kept in touch over the phone and I'd say we got pretty close and finally after my grandfather died in 1992, we tried to get together. We were going to meet somewhere and she never showed up. I was upset by it because I was alone for the first time at the Burnsville Center and I was not very secure being in such a big place alone.

I called her later that day and she said she was there but that didn't do anything to comfort me. Still, I forgave her and we still talked.

Finally she entered high school and we still talked quite a bit. Over time, I considered her my best friend although she was very toxic to me. She and I would make plans to see each other outside of school, but something always came up with her. She blew me off quite a bit and rarely explained what happened. Sometimes she would avoid me but like a door mat I was back in high school, I stood there and took it. Finally after being blown off by her so many times, I decided to write her off. I hated how she hardly explained why she couldn't commit to our plans, she got involved in a group of people who I thought were my friends but they turned against me, and we made plans to get together for my birthday and as always, she wasn't able to commit and I was heartbroken. Also, when we talked on the phone, I would say something she didn't agree with and she would hang up on me. I also hated the times when we did get together. She would want to go home no sooner after our time together begun. One time, there was a pep fest at school and she and I didn't want to attend so I walked home with her. After being there for 15 minutes, she wanted me to go home. That's no way to treat a friend if you ask me. I can't tell you how many times I cried my eyes out over her blowing me off.

Over the summer I had nothing to do with her but she was on my mind. I missed her and I was wondering how she was, but I didn't attempt to make contact with her. At that time, I was getting therapy because I had some major self-esteem issues, I had to deal with the trauma of losing my grandparents, not getting along with my mother, picking toxic friends...pretty much dealing with the indignities of being a teenage girl. I asked my therapist if I should go ahead and contact her and my therapist told me I should even though I told her all the times my friend blew me off.

About a month into 11th grade, I gathered up the courage to call her. She was very happy to hear from me. She told me she would see me in the halls and she wanted to talk but she was intimidated to talk to me because she thought I haven't forgiven her. Also, she mentioned that she wanted to call me last summer. Well, long story short, we patched up our differences and things were going great. It's like we picked up where we left off, but I had my guard up. I wasn't so quick to trust her again.

About a month into her 'probation' with me, we made plans to see each other. She seemed excited to see me outside of school. She said this time she wouldn't forget our appointment and I thought "Cool! Maybe she learned her lesson." Well, I was wrong. I called her the morning of to ask her if we were still on, but nobody was home so I left a message. I waited all day for her call to tell me when I could see her but she never called so I was disappointed in her. I was expecting it though. After that, I thought enough was enough.

Back in 1996, I thought about her again and I called her but our conversation was awkward. It was so awkward that I regretted calling her.

14 years went by and I found her on Facebook. I 'friended' her and things seemed to be going ok. She was living in another state so that made me confident that I wouldn't be making plans to see her anytime soon. She would drop me comments here and there like it is with any social networking site. Also, she was one of the first people to know about my pregnancy and she was happy to hear about it. She also said if she was planning to come to Minnesota, she would let me know and she said we would get together.(fat chance there, huh?) She told me she works in a hospital ER now.

Last weekend something happened. I made a comment on Facebook about the show Hoarders and how I find that show appalling. After that, I went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep so I went on the computer to find an email from my friend. She told me she didn't want to continue being my friend anymore because she told me my friends were being nasty to her in my wall post. I read my post and there were no comments by her because she deleted them before I woke up. So I did an investigation. I read what my other friends said to her, particularly from one of my older male friends and I didn't get any nasty tones from it. He just disagreed with her and she was unable to handle it. From what I read from my older male friend's responses, I take it she was the one being offensive first. She called him an ass because he didn't agree with her so I concluded that she brought this on herself. This old friend of mine asked me to delete her and I did, but I let her know that people are entitled to think what they want and she needs to respect that. I told her she needs to understand that not everybody will agree with her. I didn't get a response from her and I didn't expect her to.

So in a nutshell, she was willing to throw away a friendship over something stupid. But what got me the most is in her last message to me, she said she valued our friendship while we were in high school. When I read that, I laughed because I knew it was a crock of shit. She was inconsiderate, rude, she had a thin skin when it came to people not seeing things her way, and I was the one putting all the effort into our friendship. She just took everything I gave her and I got nothing back. Also, she did a number on my self-esteem when I was younger.

Also, she picked a bad time to throw her friendship with me away. I'm 37 weeks pregnant, it's been a stressful pregnancy for me and this is the last thing I need so she hasn't changed a bit. She's still inconsiderate and she still has a thin skin.

So there you have it. I'm doing really well handling all of this. I'm not letting it keep me awake at night and I have the comfort of knowing that I spoke my mind to her and I had the last word. I would have said more to her in my last message, particularly calling her a bluff when she said she valued our friendship, but she isn't worth the breath in my lungs or the characters on my keyboard.