It seems like in the last two and a half years, I have done a lot of soul searching. I took some time out of my schedule to examine my friendships, decide who cares about me and who doesn't, give second chances to people who I thought deserved them and see where God would take me. I have to admit for the last two and a half years, it's been a wild ride. Let me take you on it if you're ready.
Two and a half years ago, unbeknownst to me, I became pregnant with my son. It was late summer of 2010, and I was at a party with a bunch of coworkers. We were celebrating my direct supervisor's last day and it was a fun occasion. It was a fun night. Coming home, I was thinking about a group of people I hung out with in high school. One of them was going to have a church wedding with a man she eloped with nearly a year before and I was expecting an invitation from her. However, we had a little tiff nearly a year before(December of 2009) and she hasn't brought herself to talk to me.
The invitation never came so I thought I'd re-examine that friendship with her. We had been friends since I was a freshman in high school. She often moved and it was always up to me to find out where she moved to. This continued for a number of years. She hung out with a group I also hung out with. I would do things with them outside of school and I thought they were great. I have to admit this group of people I hung out with were damaged people. They were teased a lot, they came from broken homes, they were a part of the troublemakers, experimented with drugs and alcohol so I thought at the time, it was cool to hang out with them. They gave me insight to a world that was different from the one I had. I was a work-a-holic so I didn't get to hang out with them as much as I wished.
Over the years since getting reacquainted with them, I saw the pictures they posted from back in high school and I noticed I was absent from them. They saw a lot of each other outside of school and they never even bothered to ask me if I wanted to join them. Even if I was a work-a-holic back then, it would have been great to at least get an invitation. That, for some reason, angered me. Also, I discovered that they still maintained contact with each other over the years and that made me feel angered and depressed as well.
Still, though, back in the summer of 2009 I was invited to a party from one of them. It was going to be a reunion of the people I used to hang out with and I planned to come. I took the time off work so I could go and I was psyched about it. The party fell on PGA weekend at the Hazeltine Golf Course in Chaska and it was a huge event. All the housekeeping staff had a meeting and my boss told me time off requests for that weekend were going to be denied so I was upset about that. It had been about sixteen years since I saw most of them and I tried explaining that to my boss. I told her it was very important for me to go and I had been waiting for this for a long time but she told me there would be no exceptions.
I told my old friend that I couldn't go because of work and he told me to call in sick that day. I told him I couldn't because I already talked to my boss about his party and if I called in sick for that day, I would be fired. Since then, I wasn't invited to another party. In the meantime, the pictures of the times they had together since have been posted on their Facebooks and all those feelings came back after being on pause since high school.
Fast forward to September of 2010. My friend with whom I had a tiff with was going to have her wedding. I wasn't invited. It just tore away at me the days leading up to the wedding. These 'friends' of mine were talking about transportation to the party and how much fun it was going to be. I made a comment that I wished I was coming but my comment was ignored so finally I kicked them to the curb. Every single person in that group with the exception of a couple of them. The day after, they were boasting about how much fun the wedding was and they need to see more of each other. I couldn't take it anymore so I deleted them from my phone, my Facebook and most importantly, my life.
Nearly a year ago, this friend who had her wedding gave birth to a son and I told her congratulations. Though we're not friends anymore, I wish her and the rest of the group the best. I don't harbor any bad will to them at all.
In retrospect, maybe it was a good thing I didn't see these people as much as I would have liked to back in high school. They were miserable people and I'm sure they would have lead me down the dark paths they have taken. I would have experimented with drugs, I would have cut my classes and probably my job as well, I would have dropped out of high school like many of them did, so I guess it's for the best.
After kicking them to the curb, I revisited a friendship that I blogged about. You can refer to my blog entitled "Losing a Friend Over Something Stupid". That friendship ended on a sour note too. The loss of that friendship wasn't even my fault. She told me she couldn't handle what one of my good online friends said to her so she said she wanted nothing to do with me. It's too bad she used me as a scapegoat to ending the friendship.
I will be writing part 2 sometime this week. Anyway, it felt good kicking that group of people to the curb and I haven't looked back since.
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