Disconnect

It seems like my blogs are mostly about family and friendship dynamics and all the dysfunction that goes along with them.  This one will be no different.  I hope I don't sound too whiny as I feel is the tone with my other blogs.  So here it goes.

Last night, I was with a group of siblings.  They were a group of two brothers and one sister.  Their oldest sibling was absent but I'm sure if she lived closer, she would be there.  While they all have distinctly different personalities, their dynamics seemed to be great.  Also, I think I'm fairly close with the youngest brother and the youngest sister.  I met the youngest brother when I was eight years old and five years later, I met the youngest sister and at that time, I met the oldest brother of the group.  The oldest sister was already moved out and on her own so I've never met her.

I see their interactions on Facebook and it seems like they have a good line of communication.  They're always making plans to see each other, they always make comments on each other's pictures and they like each other's statuses and I like seeing that.  Siblings, no matter how different their personalities are or what their interests are should stick together.  The only times I believe there should be distance is if they all do something to hurt each other all the time.

Today, that got me thinking about my siblings.  I am not close with my brother and sister, but I'd like to be.

Once upon a time, my brother and I were very close.  He was my confidant, we'd hang out together and after I got married, he'd always come over when I invited him.  We would also exchange birthday presents.  Sometimes we'd hang out together, we'd keep each other's deepest darkest secrets and whenever my brother was in a jam, I would help him out the best I could.  When I would call him and he wasn't there, I'd get a call back almost right away no matter how busy he was.  When we were kids, we'd always share each other's toys and he didn't mind it if I played with his friends when had them over.  He was great and I think he still is.

However, that changed about ten years ago, shortly after he got married.  About a few months into his marriage, he and his wife would come over anytime I invited them, we would hang out together and do things but once he had his son, things started changing and they changed rapidly.

I would invite him to come out to my place and he always declined.  When I would call him, he wouldn't call me back and he just got too busy for me.  I would ask him what he was doing weeks in advance and he never got back to me.  I know why but I am not going to get into that.

My sister and I were never close.  My sister and I have never hanged out or did anything together at all unless it was with my mother.  We never exchanged birthday presents except for my 21st birthday when she took me out.  My sister never let me into her world when we were kids.  During the first half of my childhood, we shared a bedroom and whenever she had friends over, she would barricade me from getting inside.  She would get jealous whenever she had her friends over because they were talking to me.  When she wanted me to leave, she was not nice about it.  She basically drafted me when I got my first job.  She came home one day with a job application and said "We're short-handed at work and you are going to work with us."  I filled it out and a week later, I was working.

Since I suffer from ADD, I had trouble staying on task.  Also, I had a chip on my shoulder so I wasn't the most popular person at work.  My sister was a part of management at the time and her colleagues would ask her what my problem was and she told them about my ADD.  Instead of making things better for me at work, it made things worse and my sister saw that.  She never apologized but she said she tried to make things easier for me but it backfired.  My mother wasn't too pleased with my sister for telling the management about what I suffer from.

For years, I've wanted to have a little talk with her about our non-existent relationship.  I've always felt inadequate to her and how I feel like I have no part in her world.

Today we still aren't close.  She has mentioned getting together for years with me but as I said in my last blog, it was all talk.  Whenever she calls me, it's either she wants something from me or she is around the area where I live and she's lost.  She never calls me to talk or check up on me.  When I gave birth to my son, she was too busy to visit me at the hospital.  When it was his first birthday party, even though I picked her to be his Godmother, she wanted to do something else instead.  I laid a guilt trip on her when she said she wanted to spend her time at her camper instead of attending his first birthday party.  She asked me if she could drop off his present and be on her way and I told her no.  She should give it to my parents who live about a quarter mile from her instead and they could take it over.

I also feel alone in that respect too.  I have a brother and sister and I don't have much to do with them.  Often, I see them making comments on each other's Facebook pages but they don't make comments on mine.  When I read their statuses and something goes wrong, I ask them if they're okay but they never ask me if I'm okay when I'm feeling down or when something bad happens to me. When I was pregnant with my son, I was out driving and I fell into the ditch and they never asked me if I was okay or if my son was okay.  They're always making comments on the pictures they post and sometimes I see that they hang out together.  As I said in my last post, my sister invites my brother to my nephew's hockey games but she never thinks of inviting me.  In the last few years, I've had friends die on me and they never offered condolences or asked me if there is anything they could do.  I would tell them they died and all they could say is "Oh."

A few years ago my mother and I had a talk.  She said it's great that I'm always there for my brother and sister and I'm always checking up on them but she doesn't understand why they don't do the same for me.  She said to me I'm too good to them and I told her maybe it'll all pay off in the end and they will someday reciprocate my kindness but I'm still waiting.

My brother occasionally calls me and checks up on how I'm doing and I'm grateful for that.  He makes comments on my Facebook page as well or he'll like the things I post so it's not all lost.

I've told my sister my sister my problems and she's been a good ear but I think she could do better.

The thing that frightens me about my lack of relationship with my brother and sister is when the day comes and my parents get sick and pass away.  I look at my dad and his brother and they don't have a relationship. My dad is the one who always calls him and visits him at work but my uncle doesn't reciprocate.  They don't even call each other when it's Christmas time.  My dad makes an effort to tell him happy birthday but my uncle doesn't do the same for him.  I can definitely see that when my brother, sister and I get older.  There will be disconnect and I don't want that for us.

Maybe I'm crying over spilled milk from a cow that's not even born yet.  Who knows?  I feel closer to my extended family than I do with my siblings.

The point is, people are selfish.  It doesn't matter if they're related to you or not.  Maybe from now on I won't check up on them and I won't come to their aid when they're going through a difficult time.  I hope my brother and sister never find this blog but if they do, my feelings will be known and maybe that could bring us closer together.

So there you have it.  I hope my blogs will have a more uplifting feel to them soon.  Thank you.