Wow! I didn't realize how long it has been since I made a blog entry here. Sorry about that, folks. The last time I wrote an entry, it was a long time ago. Anyway, here is what's on my mind.
In life, we meet people. We meet people from the day we're born and the first person we ever meet is the obstetrician who takes you out of your mother when you're born and in our last days, we still meet people.
Anyway I have a story to tell about the first friend I've ever made in my life. The first friend I clearly remember to be exact. It has been two years since I parted ways with her so I think writing about it would help me.
I was a toddler when I moved to Lakeville from Apple Valley. We lived on Isleton Avenue in Lakeville near Christina Huddleston Elementary. I can't remember the exact moment we met because we were so young. She was more than a year younger than me. I was born in the spring of 1977 and she was born the summer of 1978. As I grew up and started remembering things, one of my first memories was playing with her in the back yards of our homes. She was my next door neighbor, she had a younger sister and our parents got along very well with each other.
We played almost every day and I grew to love her. She and I were joined at the hip, we got along very well and she was a wonderful friend to me. It didn't matter if she was two classes behind me(I'm the class of 1995 and she is the class of 1997). Though I was just a child, I envisioned growing old with her and I imagined her being in my wedding and being in her wedding too. We even talked about it as children. The good times kept growing for us. We would go out and play our back yards and when she wasn't home, her parents didn't mind me and my brother playing in their sandbox. We would do aerobics in our home watching Joanie Greggains, we watched Scooby Doo together, played in the playroom of her house. We went trick or treating together, spent our birthdays together. It was beautiful.
In the summer of 1985, my parents decided to sell our home in Lakeville and we moved to Apple Valley. Somehow, I knew this wasn't the end of our friendship. Over the years, we stayed in touch. We exchanged phone calls, had play dates together and though we didn't see each other as much over the years, our friendship was solid and that continued for a long time. She and I were still very close and she saw me through some of the toughest chapters in my life. I didn't have a lot of friends when I moved to Apple Valley. I made some friends in Cedar Park, but I remember Apple Valley as being a very unfriendly town. I had trouble making and keeping friends, but I thought she was a constant, true friend and I wished I never moved to Apple Valley.
We remained close when I was in middle school, always exchanging phone calls and we still got together frequently. It even continued when I was in high school. She saw me through my friendless times in the first two years of high school, my grandparents deaths in 1992, and she was one of my best friends. She even told me when I was in tenth grade and while we were walking to downtown Apple Valley that I was one of her best friends too.
After I graduated high school, she changed suddenly. She was diagnosed with manic depression and she became self-destructive. She attempted suicide and lived in group homes and half way homes. She didn't call me as much and I tried to get answers to her condition. Some people who worked with me told me she had some troubles in school and she was having seizures. I was concerned so I tried calling her but she was in the hospital getting treated for her condition. I ended up talking to her mother and I wanted some answers and reluctantly told me some information but not everything. She wasn't going to finish high school on time and I found out she was drinking a lot.
Between high school and getting married, I saw her a few times. She definitely did change. The happiness that I saw in her eyes was gone and I know that was because of her manic depression. Also, it was hard for me to see her smoking, though I was a smoker myself, she was never without a boyfriend, but we were still friends. We still made an effort to see each other and though our friendship had changed, it was still solid.
I got engaged in the spring of 1998 and Ted and I were planning our wedding and I wanted to make my friend a part of our wedding and she accepted. She showed up to all the dress fittings and eventually, I saw more happiness in her eyes. She was still a good friend and her mother was tickled pink that I made her a bridesmaid. Her mother told me what I did was good for her and it gave her something to look forward to. I agreed because I was worried about her.
I got married in October of 1999 and it was a fun day.
We still talked to each other and the summer after I got married, she was pregnant with her first child. I was so excited for her and I was looking forward to meeting her baby. I was invited to her baby shower and I showed up. She looked really good too, but that would me one of the last times I would see her. Things weren't going so well for her and her boyfriend. He cheated on her and she was going to move back to her parents house and that's what she did. She had a baby girl in the fall of 2000 and I was so happy for her. I called her several times trying to get together with her to meet her baby but nothing ever came to fruition.
After she gave birth her daughter, I'd say that was the beginning to the slow decay of our friendship. One night she called me wanting to go out, but I wasn't feeling up to it so she asked me if I wanted to watch her daughter so she can go out. I thought that was not very good of her to ask me to watch her baby, considering it had been a long time since we saw each other. Also, I had little experience with babies.
We made plans to see each other and she wanted me to meet her and her boyfriend at the time at a park, but I couldn't find them. Ted and I checked every baseball diamond at the park and they were nowhere to be found. She said she was going to Hot Shots after her boyfriend's softball game so we went there and we waited there for two hours and she never showed up. We got home and there were no messages on the answering machine. There were a few numbers on the caller ID box we didn't recognized so I called each one and all those people didn't know who my friend was. She never called to explain and she never called to ask why we weren't there.
After that, we didn't speak for a while until her sister got married the summer of 2002. I was excited because I would finally get to meet her daughter. The ceremony happened and then we went to the reception hall. It took forever for the food to be ready so in the meantime, I went out for cigarettes with my husband, brother, dad and my sister and we caught up with her and her family. I wondered where her daughter was and someone took her daughter for the night so my friend can live it up. She looked beautiful in her bridesmaid dress. Her hair was done up nice and she looked really happy. We were talking about seeing each other soon and she was all for it but nothing happened.
Then in the summer of 2004, I visited my parents. My sister and brother were there too and everyone went outside except for me and my mother. While I was there, someone was calling my parents. I answered the phone and it was my friend's dad. He hadn't called my parents in years but he called to inform us that my friend's mother passed away. She died suddenly of a heart attack.
Two days later, it was her mother's wake. We went there but little did I know this would be the last time I would ever see her. She was a mess, but that was understood. She was besides herself with grief and I felt bad for her. We were talking about childhood memories and she said she wanted to see me again. While I was there, I found out she had a second child and it was a son. Her children weren't there at her mother's memorial service. They were too young to attend.
In the last ten years of our friendship, I had my daughter and I invited her to my baby shower, but she never came. I tried in vain to see her. In the meantime, she had another baby girl and I wanted to meet her too. Every time we made plans to see each other, something always came up and she never made it a point to reschedule. I was pregnant with my son in 2011 and after I gave birth to him, I invited her to see me at the hospital and she didn't come. She texted me while I was recovering and she told me to call her when I was feeling up to it and I did, but my call wasn't returned. We started talking a lot again and about four years ago, we were getting close again. If I had a problem, I turned to her for support. She was going through a break up and I was helping her with that. In the meantime, I learned that she lived in the same towns I lived in, but she never called wanting to meet up. She only told me this after she moved so I was sad she didn't tell me.
It made me so sad about how one sided our friendship had become in the last ten years. I kept wanting to see her but I kept getting blown off. I invited her to help me celebrate my birthdays and she never came. Then the icing on the cake happened two years ago. She was engaged and I was so happy for her. Since I made her a part of my wedding, I thought she would do the same for me but she didn't. As the time to her wedding drew closer, I thought I would be invited but she never asked me for my address. In the meantime, the 10th anniversary of her mother passing away came and she wanted me to release balloons for her and I did that. I even made a Facebook post about it. I wrote her name on the balloons I bought and told her she was missed. She even told me I was one of her favorite people.
Then her wedding day came and I was crushed that she didn't invite me. I was alternating between being heartbroken with sadness and seething with anger. My friend didn't explain to me why I wasn't invited or anything like that. It made me so sad and angry that I literally felt physical pain. So with that being said and done, I took a deep look at our friendship and in the last ten years of it, we didn't really have one. I had been a good friend to her over the years and she didn't seem to appreciate it. I had been loyal, available, all those things. I let her go. I deleted her number from my cell phone, I blocked her on Facebook and I deleted every picture of her I ever posted but I kept the ones of my wedding. Too bad I never got to meet her kids in person and I feel sad she never got to meet mine. This isn't what I envisioned that our friendship would become. I thought our kids would grow up together and we would still be friends but I was wrong.
A year ago, I made a post lamenting on losing her and how it still hurts and her sister read it. Her sister was upset with me and she had every right to be. She told me my friend was under no obligation to invite me to her wedding. She said I didn't have my facts straight and she told me I didn't know what I was talking about. She told me she had to keep her guest list small too. My friend could have explained it to me, but she decided not to and I told her sister that. I thought I could maintain a friendship with her sister, but I couldn't.
I am still not completely over it. Last June, I found out my sister invited her to my nephew's graduation party and I was upset that she did. I told my sister I couldn't come if she was going to be there but I went anyway and thankfully she didn't show up. If she came, I wouldn't know what I would do. Would I talk to her and patch things up with her? Would I be mean and nasty to her? Would I have to leave because I couldn't take seeing her again?
I'm sure we all have that that one friend whom we lost and still can't get over it. We wonder why our friend decided to not talk to us anymore or why that friend started treating us with neglect. We often scratch our heads wondering what went wrong. But then again, we shouldn't keep torturing ourselves trying to make a friendship work when our friend isn't interested and doesn't care. It doesn't matter how long we've known our friend. What matters is how that friend treats us. And that's the bottom line.
I wish my friend the best of what life and God has to offer. I would feel bad if she got sick with a terminal disease and I would feel bad if her children were suffering from adversity. I'm not angry with her anymore but she was the first friend I've ever made. She will always hold a special place in my heart. But I'm sad about how it ended. I was sad about how I would cross an ocean for her but she wouldn't cross a puddle for me.
So there it is. If you read this, thank you. I would appreciate your feedback, Have a good summer and I'll make sure I don't wait two years between posts again.
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