It seems like in the last two and a half years, I have done a lot of soul searching. I took some time out of my schedule to examine my friendships, decide who cares about me and who doesn't, give second chances to people who I thought deserved them and see where God would take me. I have to admit for the last two and a half years, it's been a wild ride. Let me take you on it if you're ready.
Two and a half years ago, unbeknownst to me, I became pregnant with my son. It was late summer of 2010, and I was at a party with a bunch of coworkers. We were celebrating my direct supervisor's last day and it was a fun occasion. It was a fun night. Coming home, I was thinking about a group of people I hung out with in high school. One of them was going to have a church wedding with a man she eloped with nearly a year before and I was expecting an invitation from her. However, we had a little tiff nearly a year before(December of 2009) and she hasn't brought herself to talk to me.
The invitation never came so I thought I'd re-examine that friendship with her. We had been friends since I was a freshman in high school. She often moved and it was always up to me to find out where she moved to. This continued for a number of years. She hung out with a group I also hung out with. I would do things with them outside of school and I thought they were great. I have to admit this group of people I hung out with were damaged people. They were teased a lot, they came from broken homes, they were a part of the troublemakers, experimented with drugs and alcohol so I thought at the time, it was cool to hang out with them. They gave me insight to a world that was different from the one I had. I was a work-a-holic so I didn't get to hang out with them as much as I wished.
Over the years since getting reacquainted with them, I saw the pictures they posted from back in high school and I noticed I was absent from them. They saw a lot of each other outside of school and they never even bothered to ask me if I wanted to join them. Even if I was a work-a-holic back then, it would have been great to at least get an invitation. That, for some reason, angered me. Also, I discovered that they still maintained contact with each other over the years and that made me feel angered and depressed as well.
Still, though, back in the summer of 2009 I was invited to a party from one of them. It was going to be a reunion of the people I used to hang out with and I planned to come. I took the time off work so I could go and I was psyched about it. The party fell on PGA weekend at the Hazeltine Golf Course in Chaska and it was a huge event. All the housekeeping staff had a meeting and my boss told me time off requests for that weekend were going to be denied so I was upset about that. It had been about sixteen years since I saw most of them and I tried explaining that to my boss. I told her it was very important for me to go and I had been waiting for this for a long time but she told me there would be no exceptions.
I told my old friend that I couldn't go because of work and he told me to call in sick that day. I told him I couldn't because I already talked to my boss about his party and if I called in sick for that day, I would be fired. Since then, I wasn't invited to another party. In the meantime, the pictures of the times they had together since have been posted on their Facebooks and all those feelings came back after being on pause since high school.
Fast forward to September of 2010. My friend with whom I had a tiff with was going to have her wedding. I wasn't invited. It just tore away at me the days leading up to the wedding. These 'friends' of mine were talking about transportation to the party and how much fun it was going to be. I made a comment that I wished I was coming but my comment was ignored so finally I kicked them to the curb. Every single person in that group with the exception of a couple of them. The day after, they were boasting about how much fun the wedding was and they need to see more of each other. I couldn't take it anymore so I deleted them from my phone, my Facebook and most importantly, my life.
Nearly a year ago, this friend who had her wedding gave birth to a son and I told her congratulations. Though we're not friends anymore, I wish her and the rest of the group the best. I don't harbor any bad will to them at all.
In retrospect, maybe it was a good thing I didn't see these people as much as I would have liked to back in high school. They were miserable people and I'm sure they would have lead me down the dark paths they have taken. I would have experimented with drugs, I would have cut my classes and probably my job as well, I would have dropped out of high school like many of them did, so I guess it's for the best.
After kicking them to the curb, I revisited a friendship that I blogged about. You can refer to my blog entitled "Losing a Friend Over Something Stupid". That friendship ended on a sour note too. The loss of that friendship wasn't even my fault. She told me she couldn't handle what one of my good online friends said to her so she said she wanted nothing to do with me. It's too bad she used me as a scapegoat to ending the friendship.
I will be writing part 2 sometime this week. Anyway, it felt good kicking that group of people to the curb and I haven't looked back since.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Disconnect
It seems like my blogs are mostly about family and friendship dynamics and all the dysfunction that goes along with them. This one will be no different. I hope I don't sound too whiny as I feel is the tone with my other blogs. So here it goes.
Last night, I was with a group of siblings. They were a group of two brothers and one sister. Their oldest sibling was absent but I'm sure if she lived closer, she would be there. While they all have distinctly different personalities, their dynamics seemed to be great. Also, I think I'm fairly close with the youngest brother and the youngest sister. I met the youngest brother when I was eight years old and five years later, I met the youngest sister and at that time, I met the oldest brother of the group. The oldest sister was already moved out and on her own so I've never met her.
I see their interactions on Facebook and it seems like they have a good line of communication. They're always making plans to see each other, they always make comments on each other's pictures and they like each other's statuses and I like seeing that. Siblings, no matter how different their personalities are or what their interests are should stick together. The only times I believe there should be distance is if they all do something to hurt each other all the time.
Today, that got me thinking about my siblings. I am not close with my brother and sister, but I'd like to be.
Once upon a time, my brother and I were very close. He was my confidant, we'd hang out together and after I got married, he'd always come over when I invited him. We would also exchange birthday presents. Sometimes we'd hang out together, we'd keep each other's deepest darkest secrets and whenever my brother was in a jam, I would help him out the best I could. When I would call him and he wasn't there, I'd get a call back almost right away no matter how busy he was. When we were kids, we'd always share each other's toys and he didn't mind it if I played with his friends when had them over. He was great and I think he still is.
However, that changed about ten years ago, shortly after he got married. About a few months into his marriage, he and his wife would come over anytime I invited them, we would hang out together and do things but once he had his son, things started changing and they changed rapidly.
I would invite him to come out to my place and he always declined. When I would call him, he wouldn't call me back and he just got too busy for me. I would ask him what he was doing weeks in advance and he never got back to me. I know why but I am not going to get into that.
My sister and I were never close. My sister and I have never hanged out or did anything together at all unless it was with my mother. We never exchanged birthday presents except for my 21st birthday when she took me out. My sister never let me into her world when we were kids. During the first half of my childhood, we shared a bedroom and whenever she had friends over, she would barricade me from getting inside. She would get jealous whenever she had her friends over because they were talking to me. When she wanted me to leave, she was not nice about it. She basically drafted me when I got my first job. She came home one day with a job application and said "We're short-handed at work and you are going to work with us." I filled it out and a week later, I was working.
Since I suffer from ADD, I had trouble staying on task. Also, I had a chip on my shoulder so I wasn't the most popular person at work. My sister was a part of management at the time and her colleagues would ask her what my problem was and she told them about my ADD. Instead of making things better for me at work, it made things worse and my sister saw that. She never apologized but she said she tried to make things easier for me but it backfired. My mother wasn't too pleased with my sister for telling the management about what I suffer from.
For years, I've wanted to have a little talk with her about our non-existent relationship. I've always felt inadequate to her and how I feel like I have no part in her world.
Today we still aren't close. She has mentioned getting together for years with me but as I said in my last blog, it was all talk. Whenever she calls me, it's either she wants something from me or she is around the area where I live and she's lost. She never calls me to talk or check up on me. When I gave birth to my son, she was too busy to visit me at the hospital. When it was his first birthday party, even though I picked her to be his Godmother, she wanted to do something else instead. I laid a guilt trip on her when she said she wanted to spend her time at her camper instead of attending his first birthday party. She asked me if she could drop off his present and be on her way and I told her no. She should give it to my parents who live about a quarter mile from her instead and they could take it over.
I also feel alone in that respect too. I have a brother and sister and I don't have much to do with them. Often, I see them making comments on each other's Facebook pages but they don't make comments on mine. When I read their statuses and something goes wrong, I ask them if they're okay but they never ask me if I'm okay when I'm feeling down or when something bad happens to me. When I was pregnant with my son, I was out driving and I fell into the ditch and they never asked me if I was okay or if my son was okay. They're always making comments on the pictures they post and sometimes I see that they hang out together. As I said in my last post, my sister invites my brother to my nephew's hockey games but she never thinks of inviting me. In the last few years, I've had friends die on me and they never offered condolences or asked me if there is anything they could do. I would tell them they died and all they could say is "Oh."
A few years ago my mother and I had a talk. She said it's great that I'm always there for my brother and sister and I'm always checking up on them but she doesn't understand why they don't do the same for me. She said to me I'm too good to them and I told her maybe it'll all pay off in the end and they will someday reciprocate my kindness but I'm still waiting.
My brother occasionally calls me and checks up on how I'm doing and I'm grateful for that. He makes comments on my Facebook page as well or he'll like the things I post so it's not all lost.
I've told my sister my sister my problems and she's been a good ear but I think she could do better.
The thing that frightens me about my lack of relationship with my brother and sister is when the day comes and my parents get sick and pass away. I look at my dad and his brother and they don't have a relationship. My dad is the one who always calls him and visits him at work but my uncle doesn't reciprocate. They don't even call each other when it's Christmas time. My dad makes an effort to tell him happy birthday but my uncle doesn't do the same for him. I can definitely see that when my brother, sister and I get older. There will be disconnect and I don't want that for us.
Maybe I'm crying over spilled milk from a cow that's not even born yet. Who knows? I feel closer to my extended family than I do with my siblings.
The point is, people are selfish. It doesn't matter if they're related to you or not. Maybe from now on I won't check up on them and I won't come to their aid when they're going through a difficult time. I hope my brother and sister never find this blog but if they do, my feelings will be known and maybe that could bring us closer together.
So there you have it. I hope my blogs will have a more uplifting feel to them soon. Thank you.
Last night, I was with a group of siblings. They were a group of two brothers and one sister. Their oldest sibling was absent but I'm sure if she lived closer, she would be there. While they all have distinctly different personalities, their dynamics seemed to be great. Also, I think I'm fairly close with the youngest brother and the youngest sister. I met the youngest brother when I was eight years old and five years later, I met the youngest sister and at that time, I met the oldest brother of the group. The oldest sister was already moved out and on her own so I've never met her.
I see their interactions on Facebook and it seems like they have a good line of communication. They're always making plans to see each other, they always make comments on each other's pictures and they like each other's statuses and I like seeing that. Siblings, no matter how different their personalities are or what their interests are should stick together. The only times I believe there should be distance is if they all do something to hurt each other all the time.
Today, that got me thinking about my siblings. I am not close with my brother and sister, but I'd like to be.
Once upon a time, my brother and I were very close. He was my confidant, we'd hang out together and after I got married, he'd always come over when I invited him. We would also exchange birthday presents. Sometimes we'd hang out together, we'd keep each other's deepest darkest secrets and whenever my brother was in a jam, I would help him out the best I could. When I would call him and he wasn't there, I'd get a call back almost right away no matter how busy he was. When we were kids, we'd always share each other's toys and he didn't mind it if I played with his friends when had them over. He was great and I think he still is.
However, that changed about ten years ago, shortly after he got married. About a few months into his marriage, he and his wife would come over anytime I invited them, we would hang out together and do things but once he had his son, things started changing and they changed rapidly.
I would invite him to come out to my place and he always declined. When I would call him, he wouldn't call me back and he just got too busy for me. I would ask him what he was doing weeks in advance and he never got back to me. I know why but I am not going to get into that.
My sister and I were never close. My sister and I have never hanged out or did anything together at all unless it was with my mother. We never exchanged birthday presents except for my 21st birthday when she took me out. My sister never let me into her world when we were kids. During the first half of my childhood, we shared a bedroom and whenever she had friends over, she would barricade me from getting inside. She would get jealous whenever she had her friends over because they were talking to me. When she wanted me to leave, she was not nice about it. She basically drafted me when I got my first job. She came home one day with a job application and said "We're short-handed at work and you are going to work with us." I filled it out and a week later, I was working.
Since I suffer from ADD, I had trouble staying on task. Also, I had a chip on my shoulder so I wasn't the most popular person at work. My sister was a part of management at the time and her colleagues would ask her what my problem was and she told them about my ADD. Instead of making things better for me at work, it made things worse and my sister saw that. She never apologized but she said she tried to make things easier for me but it backfired. My mother wasn't too pleased with my sister for telling the management about what I suffer from.
For years, I've wanted to have a little talk with her about our non-existent relationship. I've always felt inadequate to her and how I feel like I have no part in her world.
Today we still aren't close. She has mentioned getting together for years with me but as I said in my last blog, it was all talk. Whenever she calls me, it's either she wants something from me or she is around the area where I live and she's lost. She never calls me to talk or check up on me. When I gave birth to my son, she was too busy to visit me at the hospital. When it was his first birthday party, even though I picked her to be his Godmother, she wanted to do something else instead. I laid a guilt trip on her when she said she wanted to spend her time at her camper instead of attending his first birthday party. She asked me if she could drop off his present and be on her way and I told her no. She should give it to my parents who live about a quarter mile from her instead and they could take it over.
I also feel alone in that respect too. I have a brother and sister and I don't have much to do with them. Often, I see them making comments on each other's Facebook pages but they don't make comments on mine. When I read their statuses and something goes wrong, I ask them if they're okay but they never ask me if I'm okay when I'm feeling down or when something bad happens to me. When I was pregnant with my son, I was out driving and I fell into the ditch and they never asked me if I was okay or if my son was okay. They're always making comments on the pictures they post and sometimes I see that they hang out together. As I said in my last post, my sister invites my brother to my nephew's hockey games but she never thinks of inviting me. In the last few years, I've had friends die on me and they never offered condolences or asked me if there is anything they could do. I would tell them they died and all they could say is "Oh."
A few years ago my mother and I had a talk. She said it's great that I'm always there for my brother and sister and I'm always checking up on them but she doesn't understand why they don't do the same for me. She said to me I'm too good to them and I told her maybe it'll all pay off in the end and they will someday reciprocate my kindness but I'm still waiting.
My brother occasionally calls me and checks up on how I'm doing and I'm grateful for that. He makes comments on my Facebook page as well or he'll like the things I post so it's not all lost.
I've told my sister my sister my problems and she's been a good ear but I think she could do better.
The thing that frightens me about my lack of relationship with my brother and sister is when the day comes and my parents get sick and pass away. I look at my dad and his brother and they don't have a relationship. My dad is the one who always calls him and visits him at work but my uncle doesn't reciprocate. They don't even call each other when it's Christmas time. My dad makes an effort to tell him happy birthday but my uncle doesn't do the same for him. I can definitely see that when my brother, sister and I get older. There will be disconnect and I don't want that for us.
Maybe I'm crying over spilled milk from a cow that's not even born yet. Who knows? I feel closer to my extended family than I do with my siblings.
The point is, people are selfish. It doesn't matter if they're related to you or not. Maybe from now on I won't check up on them and I won't come to their aid when they're going through a difficult time. I hope my brother and sister never find this blog but if they do, my feelings will be known and maybe that could bring us closer together.
So there you have it. I hope my blogs will have a more uplifting feel to them soon. Thank you.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
What went wrong?
It has been a while since I blogged anything. It's probably been since before my son was born when I last posted here. I'll try to post more.
There has been something on my mind ever since November. During the last elections, I'm sure people have lost friends over political beliefs. Our country is so divided that even family members are deleting each other on FB and other social media simply because they don't agree over politics. I think this is the case here.
Back when I was nine years old, my cousin whom I shall call Vivienne gave birth to her last child; a daughter whom I shall call Alexandria. I'm not giving names because I want to protect their identities. On Christmas day when I was nine, I met Alexandria for the first time. She was barely a week old and I remember asking Vivienne a lot of questions about her. I wanted to hold her but Vivienne declined.
During my childhood, I had a lot of issues. I wasn't very mature when I was little and I was diagnosed with ADD at around that time. There wasn't a lot of knowledge about ADD when I was that young. It was a fairly new condition that was just recognized so at the time, there was a lot of ignorance about it. Adults didn't really trust me to play with their kids who were younger than I was so I'm thinking that's why my cousin didn't allow me to hold her week old daughter.
Anyway, I watched Alexandria grow up. She was my little buddy. She was very sweet and I thoroughly enjoyed playing with her. When she celebrated her second Christmas I remember giving her a lot of M&M's. Her face was all covered in green and red food coloring. I think her mom was disappointed in me for giving her all that candy but I didn't mind. I could always count on having a playmate when I saw her and I think she enjoyed playing with me too.
While I was growing up, Vivienne had another daughter who was six months younger than me. I will call her Ava. Ava and I didn't really have much to do with each other. Most of the time, I thought Ava thought she was too good for me. We didn't hit it off at all at any point of our lives so I didn't have another female cousin to play with on my dad's side. When Alexandria was born, I had another little girl to play with even if there was a nine year age difference between us.
We got along great for almost 10 years. Even after my grandparents died, we still saw a lot of Vivienne's family but from 1996 onward, we only saw Vivienne's family sparingly. First we saw them every holiday and that stopped after Christmas of 1995. Then it got down to seeing them whenever there was a graduation or wedding. By 1998, we saw them even less.
I got married in 1999 and Vivienne and her family came to my wedding. I didn't have time to talk to Alexandria because everyone pulled me in all sorts of directions and mingling with everyone was near impossible. I would sit down and have a conversation with someone only to be cut off and pulled onto the dance floor. Don't get me wrong: I had a great time at my wedding but since I have problems with crowds, I was feeling a little anxiety. I couldn't even finish a drink or cigarette that night.
Three years later when Alexandria was 16, my husband and I saw her at the mall after not seeing her since my wedding. When I saw her, I was so happy to see her and I wanted to strike up a conversation with her since it was such a long time. I said hello to her and something was wrong. It seemed like she didn't want to talk to me. She wanted to continue shopping with her friends. It was as if I was a stranger to her and I don't know why. My family had been a part of her life since she was born and I played with her every time we saw each other and I was left puzzled, sad and a little angry when I let her run along with her friends.
In 2004, she graduated high school. I was invited to her party but I declined the invitation. We had lost touch with the family so much that whenever we saw them it felt as if we were strangers and most of the time, they would finally get around to talking to us when everybody left. I hated that feeling so it was better for us if we stayed home.
In 2007, her sister Ava got married and I went to her bridal shower prior to that. Alexandria was there but she didn't talk to me. The most she said was hello and that was it. The same applied to her wedding and shortly after their brother's girlfriend was pregnant and she had a shower too. I went to that shower with my daughter and I found myself being excluded and ignored. I felt invisible to them and both showers were very awkward to me and I found myself deeply regretting going there.
Fast forward to present day. I found Alexandria on Facebook and while there wasn't any interaction between us, I always made it a point to tell her happy birthday and I told her I loved how she posted updated pictures of herself and her family. I also found out how successful she had become with her life. She now works in the health care industry and it looks like she has a very good position where she is. This made me very proud of her and a part of me figures that maybe it's for the best that she cut off talking to me throughout the years. I'm not where I want to be in my life, but nevertheless, I am happy for her. But this is what gets me. She blocked me from her Facebook sometime last fall. For a while, I was wondering where the pictures she posted of herself were and updated pictures of her family and I thought that maybe she outgrew Facebook and deactivated her account.
Then it came clear to me. Ava and Vivienne posted pictures of the family. I would see the comments people made and it looked like an incomplete conversation. I did a search through Google to look her up to see if she still had her facebook and sure enough she did. I would click on the link to her facebook and I got an error message telling me the account doesn't exist. I did a search through my husband's and low and behold, there she was. I asked my sister if she could do a search for me as well and she was nowhere to be found.
I am not angry with her at all. I'm just hurt and I would give anything to find out why she blocked me. I have her phone number so I have debated on calling her to find out what's going on with her. Also, I have thought about talking to her brothers and sister about this but maybe it's best if I let it be.
I don't know what went wrong with her. Was it something political that I posted that she didn't like or was it that we've been out of touch for so long that I'm no longer relevant to her?
Her birthday came up and I wanted to tell her so I asked her mother if she could do it for me but I never got any feedback from Vivienne. Families, no matter if you were close at one point or not need to stick together. I think it's wrong to cut off someone from your life who has been nothing but kind and supportive of you.
Anyway, there you have it. It feels good to get this off my chest.
There has been something on my mind ever since November. During the last elections, I'm sure people have lost friends over political beliefs. Our country is so divided that even family members are deleting each other on FB and other social media simply because they don't agree over politics. I think this is the case here.
Back when I was nine years old, my cousin whom I shall call Vivienne gave birth to her last child; a daughter whom I shall call Alexandria. I'm not giving names because I want to protect their identities. On Christmas day when I was nine, I met Alexandria for the first time. She was barely a week old and I remember asking Vivienne a lot of questions about her. I wanted to hold her but Vivienne declined.
During my childhood, I had a lot of issues. I wasn't very mature when I was little and I was diagnosed with ADD at around that time. There wasn't a lot of knowledge about ADD when I was that young. It was a fairly new condition that was just recognized so at the time, there was a lot of ignorance about it. Adults didn't really trust me to play with their kids who were younger than I was so I'm thinking that's why my cousin didn't allow me to hold her week old daughter.
Anyway, I watched Alexandria grow up. She was my little buddy. She was very sweet and I thoroughly enjoyed playing with her. When she celebrated her second Christmas I remember giving her a lot of M&M's. Her face was all covered in green and red food coloring. I think her mom was disappointed in me for giving her all that candy but I didn't mind. I could always count on having a playmate when I saw her and I think she enjoyed playing with me too.
While I was growing up, Vivienne had another daughter who was six months younger than me. I will call her Ava. Ava and I didn't really have much to do with each other. Most of the time, I thought Ava thought she was too good for me. We didn't hit it off at all at any point of our lives so I didn't have another female cousin to play with on my dad's side. When Alexandria was born, I had another little girl to play with even if there was a nine year age difference between us.
We got along great for almost 10 years. Even after my grandparents died, we still saw a lot of Vivienne's family but from 1996 onward, we only saw Vivienne's family sparingly. First we saw them every holiday and that stopped after Christmas of 1995. Then it got down to seeing them whenever there was a graduation or wedding. By 1998, we saw them even less.
I got married in 1999 and Vivienne and her family came to my wedding. I didn't have time to talk to Alexandria because everyone pulled me in all sorts of directions and mingling with everyone was near impossible. I would sit down and have a conversation with someone only to be cut off and pulled onto the dance floor. Don't get me wrong: I had a great time at my wedding but since I have problems with crowds, I was feeling a little anxiety. I couldn't even finish a drink or cigarette that night.
Three years later when Alexandria was 16, my husband and I saw her at the mall after not seeing her since my wedding. When I saw her, I was so happy to see her and I wanted to strike up a conversation with her since it was such a long time. I said hello to her and something was wrong. It seemed like she didn't want to talk to me. She wanted to continue shopping with her friends. It was as if I was a stranger to her and I don't know why. My family had been a part of her life since she was born and I played with her every time we saw each other and I was left puzzled, sad and a little angry when I let her run along with her friends.
In 2004, she graduated high school. I was invited to her party but I declined the invitation. We had lost touch with the family so much that whenever we saw them it felt as if we were strangers and most of the time, they would finally get around to talking to us when everybody left. I hated that feeling so it was better for us if we stayed home.
In 2007, her sister Ava got married and I went to her bridal shower prior to that. Alexandria was there but she didn't talk to me. The most she said was hello and that was it. The same applied to her wedding and shortly after their brother's girlfriend was pregnant and she had a shower too. I went to that shower with my daughter and I found myself being excluded and ignored. I felt invisible to them and both showers were very awkward to me and I found myself deeply regretting going there.
Fast forward to present day. I found Alexandria on Facebook and while there wasn't any interaction between us, I always made it a point to tell her happy birthday and I told her I loved how she posted updated pictures of herself and her family. I also found out how successful she had become with her life. She now works in the health care industry and it looks like she has a very good position where she is. This made me very proud of her and a part of me figures that maybe it's for the best that she cut off talking to me throughout the years. I'm not where I want to be in my life, but nevertheless, I am happy for her. But this is what gets me. She blocked me from her Facebook sometime last fall. For a while, I was wondering where the pictures she posted of herself were and updated pictures of her family and I thought that maybe she outgrew Facebook and deactivated her account.
Then it came clear to me. Ava and Vivienne posted pictures of the family. I would see the comments people made and it looked like an incomplete conversation. I did a search through Google to look her up to see if she still had her facebook and sure enough she did. I would click on the link to her facebook and I got an error message telling me the account doesn't exist. I did a search through my husband's and low and behold, there she was. I asked my sister if she could do a search for me as well and she was nowhere to be found.
I am not angry with her at all. I'm just hurt and I would give anything to find out why she blocked me. I have her phone number so I have debated on calling her to find out what's going on with her. Also, I have thought about talking to her brothers and sister about this but maybe it's best if I let it be.
I don't know what went wrong with her. Was it something political that I posted that she didn't like or was it that we've been out of touch for so long that I'm no longer relevant to her?
Her birthday came up and I wanted to tell her so I asked her mother if she could do it for me but I never got any feedback from Vivienne. Families, no matter if you were close at one point or not need to stick together. I think it's wrong to cut off someone from your life who has been nothing but kind and supportive of you.
Anyway, there you have it. It feels good to get this off my chest.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Losing a Friend Over Something Stupid.
Hey folks. It's been a while since I posted a blog. It's been almost 2 years. I knew I had a blogspot account and I never really used it, but I think I'll be using it a lot.
Anyway, something happened to me last weekend. I lost a friend over something stupid. Some of you know about it and some of you don't.
My history with this friend has been checkered. I met her late in 8th grade and she was in 7th. We hit it off right away and we got along pretty well. She was an outsider much like I was so I identified strongly with her. After 8th grade ended, I went to high school, but she had one year left of middle school so we didn't see each other much. We kept in touch over the phone and I'd say we got pretty close and finally after my grandfather died in 1992, we tried to get together. We were going to meet somewhere and she never showed up. I was upset by it because I was alone for the first time at the Burnsville Center and I was not very secure being in such a big place alone.
I called her later that day and she said she was there but that didn't do anything to comfort me. Still, I forgave her and we still talked.
Finally she entered high school and we still talked quite a bit. Over time, I considered her my best friend although she was very toxic to me. She and I would make plans to see each other outside of school, but something always came up with her. She blew me off quite a bit and rarely explained what happened. Sometimes she would avoid me but like a door mat I was back in high school, I stood there and took it. Finally after being blown off by her so many times, I decided to write her off. I hated how she hardly explained why she couldn't commit to our plans, she got involved in a group of people who I thought were my friends but they turned against me, and we made plans to get together for my birthday and as always, she wasn't able to commit and I was heartbroken. Also, when we talked on the phone, I would say something she didn't agree with and she would hang up on me. I also hated the times when we did get together. She would want to go home no sooner after our time together begun. One time, there was a pep fest at school and she and I didn't want to attend so I walked home with her. After being there for 15 minutes, she wanted me to go home. That's no way to treat a friend if you ask me. I can't tell you how many times I cried my eyes out over her blowing me off.
Over the summer I had nothing to do with her but she was on my mind. I missed her and I was wondering how she was, but I didn't attempt to make contact with her. At that time, I was getting therapy because I had some major self-esteem issues, I had to deal with the trauma of losing my grandparents, not getting along with my mother, picking toxic friends...pretty much dealing with the indignities of being a teenage girl. I asked my therapist if I should go ahead and contact her and my therapist told me I should even though I told her all the times my friend blew me off.
About a month into 11th grade, I gathered up the courage to call her. She was very happy to hear from me. She told me she would see me in the halls and she wanted to talk but she was intimidated to talk to me because she thought I haven't forgiven her. Also, she mentioned that she wanted to call me last summer. Well, long story short, we patched up our differences and things were going great. It's like we picked up where we left off, but I had my guard up. I wasn't so quick to trust her again.
About a month into her 'probation' with me, we made plans to see each other. She seemed excited to see me outside of school. She said this time she wouldn't forget our appointment and I thought "Cool! Maybe she learned her lesson." Well, I was wrong. I called her the morning of to ask her if we were still on, but nobody was home so I left a message. I waited all day for her call to tell me when I could see her but she never called so I was disappointed in her. I was expecting it though. After that, I thought enough was enough.
Back in 1996, I thought about her again and I called her but our conversation was awkward. It was so awkward that I regretted calling her.
14 years went by and I found her on Facebook. I 'friended' her and things seemed to be going ok. She was living in another state so that made me confident that I wouldn't be making plans to see her anytime soon. She would drop me comments here and there like it is with any social networking site. Also, she was one of the first people to know about my pregnancy and she was happy to hear about it. She also said if she was planning to come to Minnesota, she would let me know and she said we would get together.(fat chance there, huh?) She told me she works in a hospital ER now.
Last weekend something happened. I made a comment on Facebook about the show Hoarders and how I find that show appalling. After that, I went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep so I went on the computer to find an email from my friend. She told me she didn't want to continue being my friend anymore because she told me my friends were being nasty to her in my wall post. I read my post and there were no comments by her because she deleted them before I woke up. So I did an investigation. I read what my other friends said to her, particularly from one of my older male friends and I didn't get any nasty tones from it. He just disagreed with her and she was unable to handle it. From what I read from my older male friend's responses, I take it she was the one being offensive first. She called him an ass because he didn't agree with her so I concluded that she brought this on herself. This old friend of mine asked me to delete her and I did, but I let her know that people are entitled to think what they want and she needs to respect that. I told her she needs to understand that not everybody will agree with her. I didn't get a response from her and I didn't expect her to.
So in a nutshell, she was willing to throw away a friendship over something stupid. But what got me the most is in her last message to me, she said she valued our friendship while we were in high school. When I read that, I laughed because I knew it was a crock of shit. She was inconsiderate, rude, she had a thin skin when it came to people not seeing things her way, and I was the one putting all the effort into our friendship. She just took everything I gave her and I got nothing back. Also, she did a number on my self-esteem when I was younger.
Also, she picked a bad time to throw her friendship with me away. I'm 37 weeks pregnant, it's been a stressful pregnancy for me and this is the last thing I need so she hasn't changed a bit. She's still inconsiderate and she still has a thin skin.
So there you have it. I'm doing really well handling all of this. I'm not letting it keep me awake at night and I have the comfort of knowing that I spoke my mind to her and I had the last word. I would have said more to her in my last message, particularly calling her a bluff when she said she valued our friendship, but she isn't worth the breath in my lungs or the characters on my keyboard.
Anyway, something happened to me last weekend. I lost a friend over something stupid. Some of you know about it and some of you don't.
My history with this friend has been checkered. I met her late in 8th grade and she was in 7th. We hit it off right away and we got along pretty well. She was an outsider much like I was so I identified strongly with her. After 8th grade ended, I went to high school, but she had one year left of middle school so we didn't see each other much. We kept in touch over the phone and I'd say we got pretty close and finally after my grandfather died in 1992, we tried to get together. We were going to meet somewhere and she never showed up. I was upset by it because I was alone for the first time at the Burnsville Center and I was not very secure being in such a big place alone.
I called her later that day and she said she was there but that didn't do anything to comfort me. Still, I forgave her and we still talked.
Finally she entered high school and we still talked quite a bit. Over time, I considered her my best friend although she was very toxic to me. She and I would make plans to see each other outside of school, but something always came up with her. She blew me off quite a bit and rarely explained what happened. Sometimes she would avoid me but like a door mat I was back in high school, I stood there and took it. Finally after being blown off by her so many times, I decided to write her off. I hated how she hardly explained why she couldn't commit to our plans, she got involved in a group of people who I thought were my friends but they turned against me, and we made plans to get together for my birthday and as always, she wasn't able to commit and I was heartbroken. Also, when we talked on the phone, I would say something she didn't agree with and she would hang up on me. I also hated the times when we did get together. She would want to go home no sooner after our time together begun. One time, there was a pep fest at school and she and I didn't want to attend so I walked home with her. After being there for 15 minutes, she wanted me to go home. That's no way to treat a friend if you ask me. I can't tell you how many times I cried my eyes out over her blowing me off.
Over the summer I had nothing to do with her but she was on my mind. I missed her and I was wondering how she was, but I didn't attempt to make contact with her. At that time, I was getting therapy because I had some major self-esteem issues, I had to deal with the trauma of losing my grandparents, not getting along with my mother, picking toxic friends...pretty much dealing with the indignities of being a teenage girl. I asked my therapist if I should go ahead and contact her and my therapist told me I should even though I told her all the times my friend blew me off.
About a month into 11th grade, I gathered up the courage to call her. She was very happy to hear from me. She told me she would see me in the halls and she wanted to talk but she was intimidated to talk to me because she thought I haven't forgiven her. Also, she mentioned that she wanted to call me last summer. Well, long story short, we patched up our differences and things were going great. It's like we picked up where we left off, but I had my guard up. I wasn't so quick to trust her again.
About a month into her 'probation' with me, we made plans to see each other. She seemed excited to see me outside of school. She said this time she wouldn't forget our appointment and I thought "Cool! Maybe she learned her lesson." Well, I was wrong. I called her the morning of to ask her if we were still on, but nobody was home so I left a message. I waited all day for her call to tell me when I could see her but she never called so I was disappointed in her. I was expecting it though. After that, I thought enough was enough.
Back in 1996, I thought about her again and I called her but our conversation was awkward. It was so awkward that I regretted calling her.
14 years went by and I found her on Facebook. I 'friended' her and things seemed to be going ok. She was living in another state so that made me confident that I wouldn't be making plans to see her anytime soon. She would drop me comments here and there like it is with any social networking site. Also, she was one of the first people to know about my pregnancy and she was happy to hear about it. She also said if she was planning to come to Minnesota, she would let me know and she said we would get together.(fat chance there, huh?) She told me she works in a hospital ER now.
Last weekend something happened. I made a comment on Facebook about the show Hoarders and how I find that show appalling. After that, I went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep so I went on the computer to find an email from my friend. She told me she didn't want to continue being my friend anymore because she told me my friends were being nasty to her in my wall post. I read my post and there were no comments by her because she deleted them before I woke up. So I did an investigation. I read what my other friends said to her, particularly from one of my older male friends and I didn't get any nasty tones from it. He just disagreed with her and she was unable to handle it. From what I read from my older male friend's responses, I take it she was the one being offensive first. She called him an ass because he didn't agree with her so I concluded that she brought this on herself. This old friend of mine asked me to delete her and I did, but I let her know that people are entitled to think what they want and she needs to respect that. I told her she needs to understand that not everybody will agree with her. I didn't get a response from her and I didn't expect her to.
So in a nutshell, she was willing to throw away a friendship over something stupid. But what got me the most is in her last message to me, she said she valued our friendship while we were in high school. When I read that, I laughed because I knew it was a crock of shit. She was inconsiderate, rude, she had a thin skin when it came to people not seeing things her way, and I was the one putting all the effort into our friendship. She just took everything I gave her and I got nothing back. Also, she did a number on my self-esteem when I was younger.
Also, she picked a bad time to throw her friendship with me away. I'm 37 weeks pregnant, it's been a stressful pregnancy for me and this is the last thing I need so she hasn't changed a bit. She's still inconsiderate and she still has a thin skin.
So there you have it. I'm doing really well handling all of this. I'm not letting it keep me awake at night and I have the comfort of knowing that I spoke my mind to her and I had the last word. I would have said more to her in my last message, particularly calling her a bluff when she said she valued our friendship, but she isn't worth the breath in my lungs or the characters on my keyboard.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I'm here on blogspot
Hey all. My name is Shannon and I live in Minnesota. I have joined blogspot because it's a good blogging website. Hopefully I'll run into some people I know here. It would be cool if I did.
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